by Claire Gillespie
Trust is the core of any friendship. It is essential because we don’t tend to assume these people will change their minds. They might annoy us, and hurt us, and push us away, but rarely completely. We have so long to decide with friends; we can give that person as much or as little as we want to. They always say after all, not every good friend makes a good housemate. We trust though, that they care about us and want the best for us. That is why we became friends, right?
It’s essential because you’re entrusting someone with a little bit of your self-worth, a little bit of personality judgement and probably a lot of your private life. You need to know that person is in it as much as you are. You have to believe that they will only ever do things that bring you happiness and that they would never want to hurt you. The benefit should be a mutual one: you do things because making the other person’s life better actually makes you feel good.
The horrible truth is that some people will not keep you around because they adore you and you enhance their life. Some people will keep you around to use you. Sometimes you’re nothing more than an ego boost, just another name to drop.
The wonderful truth is that people you don’t even speak to that often will think incredible things about you, and people you do speak to more often will tell you these things. You will be the centrepiece of some people’s lives and they will cherish you always.
People from the first group will often pretend to be from the second. The uneasy feeling you have in the pit of your stomach, the weird sadness that grips you after they leave – that’s the absence of trust.
This is not insecurity and don’t let anyone tell you that it is. You have love in your life and people who adore you and respect you and make you feel safe. That is trust. You know what it feels like so you know when it’s not there.
You know it because it was in the person who held your hand through your brother’s funeral, and the friends who have you at your best and your worst and pretend not to notice the latter. You know the pain of its absence in the friend who told you you weren’t beautiful and the boyfriend who shouted at you for keeping him awake with your crying.
If you seek someone’s approval you don’t trust them, if you did, you would know it was already there. I cannot scream loudly enough how much you can never trust yourself too much, especially when it comes to not trusting someone else.
Claire Gillespie | @clairegillesp
Claire Gillespie, 24, is currently living in Amman, Jordan, but is soon to return back to her home of Leeds, UK. She’s a freelance writer, content producer and historian.