by Dasha Kocisova
it is grazed knees and your mum’s magic kisses that somehow make the pain go away.
it is turning playgrounds into fortresses, playing tag with friends and wanting to give up when you’ve been it for too long.
it is childish fights and rumours that have you flustered because no, you definitely don’t like jake and boys are gross anyway.
it is your mum letting you have the last rice pudding because she knows you like it so much and how can a person be so selfless?
it is your favourite dish that grandma cooks for you every single visit.
it is leaving her house 20 pounds heavier and wealthier because firstly, you look starved – what are they even feeding you and secondly, here – buy some ice cream.
it is falling for someone’s laugh because god knows happy is attractive.
it is watching them talk about their passion, the look on their face and the warmth inside your heart.
it is first dates. and first kisses.
it is the touch of your lover, their soft cheeks and the way their body curls perfectly into yours and god please make them stay yours forever.
it is your first break up, and forever wondering what it is that you’d done wrong.
it is not wanting to let go.
it is drinking alone on a saturday night, wishing they had never left and feeling cold.
it is that heaviness you feel in your heart – or your mind – or your stomach, and you can’t figure out which because you feel it everywhere.
it is that bittersweet taste in the back of your mouth and that gut-wrenching grasp on your stomach when you see them again for the first time, and then the second time, and then again the third time, and does it ever stop?
it is being sure you will never love again, at least not in the same way.
it is your dad cracking his knuckles when you finally admit you’re hurt.
it is all your fails and not being good enough and other lies you tell yourself.
it is the uncertainty whether to keep fighting or to stop.
it is realising you can’t win – and fighting anyway, like the warrior that you are.
it is grazed knees and second chances and most of all, it’s you.
it’s always been you.
Dasha is an English, Journalism and Creative Writing graduate from Slovakia based in Glasgow.