by Molly Alessandra Cooper

I do always take time for me but I can’t quite get the hang of always always always using Headspace every day because I forget to do some other things and some other bits then there is no time for meditation and all of that gets a little

bit

stressful

and I wish for a more perfect morning routine where the porridge doesn’t stick to the pan and my eyebrows don’t grow in weird directions overnight and my feet don’t do that thing where they trip on everything and nothing and I fantasise that my mind is

calm

collected

and I can enjoy the start of my day, like I do on the many other days I’ve forgotten about right now.

I don’t always believe it’s the end of the world because I ran out of time but sometimes I do think time won’t always be there. I don’t really focus enough, especially on my beauty ‘regime’. I’m quite enjoying my new make-up routine with my new egg-shaped foundation sponge but I only epilate my legs when it is convenient to me; I wouldn’t want this torture to become too routine.

I don’t always replace the five or more books I have ‘borrowed’ from the telephone-box micro-library up the road but one day I probably maybe will at least write a note to express my guilt over not returning or exchanging the books I could be sharing. I don’t ever tell others that I admire their ideas but I do talk about how inspiring those people are. Walking across three drains makes me nervous and sometimes I believe the moon affects my mood. I don’t ever like using the excuse of my period for a grumpy hour/week/second but sometimes periods probably – always – make me feel

really

stressed

and I don’t always want to talk about that burden so instead let’s talk about sport on TV which will at any time make my mind empty and I’ll feel

calm

collected

because it relates to me so little that I think of nothing at all.

“I don’t always believe it’s the end of the world because I ran out of time but sometimes I do think time won’t always be there.”

I do always cry at the memory of the John Lewis penguin advert from 2014 or whenever I hear Aretha Franklin’s ‘I Say A Little Prayer’. I don’t always listen to music when walking to work but when I do my walk usually reflects the mood of the music. Disco and Northern Soul definitely make me want to

never

stop

dancing

and make me want to cry a little too. Music makes me always remember and sometimes makes me angry. I very often talk nonsense by accident but I’m not always too hard on myself for doing so.

I won’t end up married to my first boyfriend because at 14 marriage is an intangible thing, but he doesn’t know that I won’t forget the first moment I believed that first ‘always’. Occasionally I still trust the assumed promise of ‘always’ and every now and then the ‘always’ lets me down.

Molly Alessandra Cooper | @Mollyalessandra | Instagram