always creative non-fiction Essay

C.M.V.

Fall in deep with Sam Naomi's piece on her love, and how 'always' to her means being able to look into the same pair of eyes for the rest of her life.

by Sam Naomi

‘Always’ to me means being able to look into the same pair of eyes for the rest of my life. It means always having a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, a partner to have by my side for all of the big and small moments that life contains. ‘Always’ means never breaking a promise, never forgetting how far we’ve come, never straying from our undying and unyielding commitment to face the world together until it goes quiet for us both. ‘Always’ is the sound of your name spoken aloud, the way your feet feel rubbing against my legs, the warmth of your breath on my collarbone as you sleep soundly wrapped between my arms. ‘Always’ is the sound of your laughter filling up the truck as we drive toward another adventure.

It is the slow spreading smile that lights up your entire face when I do something silly and it is the way you stroke my hair and pat my head when I’ve done something adorable, albeit slightly concerning. It is the way you love me without condition – after knowing all my secrets, hearing all my confessions, bearing the burden of all that I have seen and done and known and never once flinching away from me because you love me that much. It means knowing that you will always answer the phone when I call, you will always be at my door when I need you, you will always be my best friend and my truest confidant. It means having someone that says ‘yes’ to all my plans and encourages all my dreams and supports me through all the goals I set for myself endlessly.

“‘Always’ is the miracle of you and me”

It means picturing your face every time I hear music that reminds me of you and grinning from ear to ear whenever our song comes on the radio. It means the warmth of skin against skin, the comfort of waking up from a bad dream to find you sleeping beside me – of being able to trace the bones in your shoulder and kiss along your back until I feel better and fall back to sleep again. It means being pulled close against your chest when you’ve woken up in the middle of the night and want me closer. It means never being close enough, even when I can’t figure out where you end and where I begin. It means having someone to kiss all the parts that I forgot to love that are made beautiful when I look upon them through your eyes. ‘Always’ means you and me, from now through all of eternity.

Coastlines and midnight drives and singing at the top of our lungs while we watch our favourite singer play all our favourite songs. It means watching you become the man you’ve dreamed of being, forever striding toward your goals and accomplishing the most brilliant, brave things possible. ‘Always’ is having you become the hero in my story and letting you help me become my own hero, too. It means that two full years of pining and sorrow and longing and wishing and hoping, have brought us through our separate hells into our combined divinity.

It means that all that we have been through – all the places you have lived and all the jobs that I have held – brought us together at the exact right time. ‘Always’ is when you cup your strong hands around my face and kiss along my neck. It is the safety I feel when I share your bed.

It is shared meals and my inability to cook anything other than eggs. It is you taking care of me so wholly that I no longer feel incomplete. ‘Always’ is the way we challenge each other and help one another and the fact that we have each other’s backs. It means not having loved anyone or anything as much as we love each other. It means our sweet routines and simplified teamwork. ‘Always’ is you itching my back because you have the best scratchy fingers and my picking eyelashes off your face and making wishes on them before blowing them into the wind.

It means letting me pick the music for once and not being surprised when I choose Bruno Mars . . . again. It means concerts on warm summer nights and sharing ice cream cones while we watch the sunset. ‘Always’ is sitting in your truck, sharing a carton of mint chocolate chip, watching the rain pour down around us.

‘Always’ is the miracle of you and me. It is the sound of you telling me that you love me and my saying it in return. It is you.

It is you, in everything that has ever been and in everything that will ever be.
It is you.
It is you.
Always.

 


Sam Naomi | @_boo_radley | wideandstarry.wordpress.com
Sam is a full-time freelance writer who enjoys reading, going for long walks, cuddling with her dogs and seeing an infinite amount of concerts with her incredible boyfriend. She likes having coffee dates with her Mama and she’s working on becoming fluent in French. Donna Tartt is her favourite author.
 

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